I Live in Expectation

I was drawn to the guitar today. Kind of like you thirst for water during a hard workout. Kind of like you feel compelled to eat popcorn when going to the movies. Kind of like an itch you’re just dying to scratch.

I sat down and I started playing. I sang a little bit and I goofed around with the chords. I wondered whether I would be ever be great at the guitar – or even good enough to carry a show on my own. I laughed aloud at the lyrics I came up with. And I felt my spirit rest just a little. I felt a little calmer and a little more at peace. And I enjoyed it.

Remember when I said it was a long winter? Well I wasn’t only speaking literally.

The past year of my life has been one of the more challenging. Challenging in a very deep, tangible way. I have felt the growing pains, and I continue to feel them.

I’m learning about myself in ways I never knew I was uninformed. I’m seeing myself more clearly than ever before, and realizing more than ever the desperate need I have for a saving grace…. for an ALL CONSUMING hope. I have behaved in ways I am too ashamed to admit. I have been frustrated and angry, lonely and longing, in pursuit and being pursued. It has been challenging, but it has been good.

And I did not run from it. I stopped. I listened. I turned and I leaned in. And as I’ve done that, I have felt my spirit rest just a little. I feel a little calmer and have a little more peace. And I thank God for the opportunity to know him and need him in a very real way.