The Baby That Wasn’t Born [YET]

Have you guys ever heard of that lady who was pregnant for 46 years? There’s this crazy documentary about a real woman who had an ectopic pregnancy that took an unexpected turn (?!).  I don’t know.  I don’t know even know how to describe it, but I’m not even joking about this. Go check it out.

Anyway, that’s not really what this is about.

I was supposed to fly to California tonight to see my family. My sister in law is going to have a baby and I’m so excited to meet her (the baby; I’ve already met my sister in law).  However, for reasons entirely beyond my control, the baby has not been born [yet], and I wound up postponing my trip.

I guess it has an upside…  I mean…  I’ll get to spend some time celebrating a birthday, visiting with friends who are in town and friends who are leaving, and I’m for sure gonna reprise my role as the National Anthem Singer  at the Crystal Lake Triathlon next weekend.

But the downside is I’m not going to get to meet baby Logan as soon as I thought I was. And you know that if their first edition baby girl looks like this, the second is going to be ADORABLE. 

But the upside is that I’ll still get to meet her in October.

So…  what is that now? A win-win? I’ve lost count.

This Can’t Be Real Food

Okay. I made this dessert tonight..  nothing fancy, I just had a sweet tooth so I dug it out of the pantry:

(Except in real life the writing isn’t backwards... ha)

When I opened the box it was basically just brownie mix.

So then HOW, after adding water and microwaving it for only 30 seconds did it turn into this?

 

That’s cake! Or a brownie or something..  It was good!

But it can’t be real food, right?? It totally cannot.

I’m kind of freakin’ out over here a little bit.

Trying to Figure It Out

There’s really no good answer I can give you…

A Lot To Take In

Yesterday morning I gave my notice at work: I’m leaving in October.  

I’m leaving. Going. That’s it. Decision made. Dunzo… 

I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time – 10 months or so – and yet somehow I thought that when the bomb was dropped I would feel a little bit of relief, a little bit of freedom. I thought that once the word was out I could fully be excited about the adventures the lie before me.

And I am, I am excited. I feel like this is something I need to do.

But I also feel the same way I did before: afraid.

In the next two and half months I’ll be spending time with family, traveling to California to meet my new niece, packing the things I own and selling the things I don’t want anymore. I’ll be finishing the album artwork, and watching as my album is edited, mixed, mastered, and finally finished! I’m getting ready to play at the state fair and gearing up for the CD release concert. I’m taking a week off of work to drive my car south before winter hits, only to fly back here for a last few weeks of working and tying up loose ends. And I’m pretty sure I need to build a fortress around my heart: I’m going to miss my family here so much.

I’m a mixed bag of emotions. I’m happy and sad, courageous and fearful all tied in to one. I know that every “yes” to something is a “no” to something else – and in the next few months I feel compelled to say yes to something I’ve always said no to in the past. I feel compelled to take steps even when I don’t see where they lead, and I’m excited about the freedom and the opportunity to do it! But that doesn’t make it an easy decision.

And in this moment, while I’m writing this blog and listening to my niece Audrey play in the bathtub, in this moment I know that my heart is going to ache for the things and people I’m leaving. I’m still afraid of the unknown, but convinced that I can’t just NOT go, and it’s a lot to take in. In this moment, before I anticipate the journey of things to come, I want to just rest here.

I want to just stay while I still can.

Letter to the Editor

Dear Christian Radio Station,

 

There is more to Christian music than Jeremy Camp, Newsboys, Third Day, and whatever pop hit/easy listening single happens to be popular at the moment.

There is no good reason on the face of this earth that I should hear the same song playing on the radio when I get in my car as when I got out of my car 4 hours earlier, let alone a song that is entirely too annoying to still be getting radio play.

That being said, Testify to Love was popular over ten years ago. LET IT DIE.

In anticipation of hearing the depth of music that is out there, 

MJ

On Remembering to be Thankful

You know what I love?

ROADTRIPS

You know what else I love?

CAMPING

And what else?

GOOD FRIENDS

These girls are just a few of the friends that I have come to rely on every Monday night for good conversation and crappy television. Always such a good time… We’ve shared laughter and tears, ice cream, embarrassing truths, lofty dreams, and secret crushes.

Yes. I’m 29 and I still get secret crushes.

But this last weekend we took a relatively impromptu trip to Hope, AK. Five girls in one car, one tent. Camping on the beach. Bonfires. S’mores. And hiking. I realized that it had been 2 years since my last camping trip. WHAT WAS I THINKING?? I live in Alaska for crazy sake. I need to always be camping!

Anyway, it was a really good time… I thank God for good friendships and good times.

 

Hope Does Not Disappoint Us…

Aaaaaaand…..  we’re back.

I am feeling oh so tired, but my heart is full.

Don’t you just love it when your heart is full?

Pictures to follow…..

Hope

Tonight I’ll be camping in Hope, AK, home of the Seaview Cafe…

Located approximately here:

[Which isn't as interesting as this little tidbit about Mike Huckabee, but which also, I think, happens to be a lie. Because clearly these people do not know the difference between state abbreviations for Alaska and Arkansas. Thank you, Sally, for your ever increasing attention to detail.]

A place in Alaska where the road literally comes to an end…

Hope to see you there! ha.

A Lesson in Mercy

A couple of weeks ago I told you that I got a traffic ticket. (Well, mostly I told you that I almost killed a man, but let’s not split hairs…) What you don’t know is that the day after paying that ticket, I got another ticket.

For the same thing.

At the same intersection.

FROM THE SAME COP.

 

Immediately, and for two weeks straight, my mind has been reeling with evasion strategies. “I don’t deserve this. I’m a safe driver. I can’t pay two $100 fines!! Maybe if I just plead my case…  Maybe if I just rely on my previously stellar driving record….” Unfortunately, in all reality, two tickets in one week does not a stellar driving record make. 

So finally I decided on trying to offer community service in lieu of the fine, and to ask for a reduction of the driving “points” against me. I gathered my courage, practiced my speech, and headed to the courthouse.

I told him what happened. I told him what I wanted. And he said no.
Just simply, “No.”

And I walked away thinking, “Why? What does it matter to this judge whether I pay my debt with money or with my time? Why is there no mercy in the court system?”

 

But I got thinking about this today, and I got thinking about how I’d used my own traffic ticket as an analogy for my 11 year old niece a couple of days ago. “Sometimes we are disciplined for wrongdoings we didn’t necessarily intend to do,” I told her. “We weren’t malicious; we made a mistake. But how will we learn if we aren’t disciplined?” I got stuck in a bad driving habit, and let me tell you, if two citations in a five day period doesn’t make you sit up and take notice, I’m not entirely sure what will.

And I started to wonder how I would have felt if the judge had said, “Yes.” What if he had given me mercy, and essentially given me what I wanted? Would I have learned the same lesson in all of this? Would I continue to drive on high alert, cautious, aware of my actions? Or would I have learned, perhaps subliminally, that my infractions aren’t really that big of a deal?

 

Maybe sometimes I ask God for mercy, and he says “No.” Revolutionary thought, right? Can you imagine a loving God who would say No to mercy? But what if he does? And what if it’s for our own good? And what if we only truly learn what he intends for us to learn when we are disciplined as though we were his very own children?

A Musician’s Pep Talk

1. If you want to be supremely happy, first and foremost you must take time for yourself finish the album. 

2. Your efforts are in vain if you complete the project but don’t manage to maintain your sanity pull off your CD Release.

3. Remember that when it’s all said and done, you’ll be glad you didn’t stress to the point of tears, lose your cool, or question yourself at every turn ”lived the dream.”