Everything I Am I Pour Into A Song…

Guys? I’ve got something I want to tell you. I’ve alluded to this, but I never came right out and said it: I’m going to be a musician.

And by that I mean, I’ve saved my money, quit my job, I’m moving to Texas, and I’m going to play music as much as I can.

I KNOW. It’s kind of a crazy decision. It’s kind of a decision I would never make. It’s kind of the opposite of what I’ve always said when I said, “I’m not the kind of person who would sell everything I own and try to make it as a musician.” When in fact, that is kind of exactly what I’m doing….

(Which, by the way, if you know anyone in the Anchorage area who wants to buy a bed, 4 tires, or a pappasan chair, send them my way.)

Oh, it’s been a process. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that this was the right move for me. I’ve been planning this in one form or another since October of last year – an entire 12 months in the making. And I won’t go through all the details of what brought me here, but I will say that I feel at peace. And I feel excited. And I feel compelled in such a way that I can’t say “no” to it…  Not really.

And that scares me. Because what if I feel like I need to do this, and never understand why? What if everything is the same when I get there as it is here? Because it very well might be…

But I have worked through this, and weighed it over in my mind and heart. I have waffled between fear and excitement, and I’ve settled in an eager place. 

I’m going to do this.

I’m not going to measure success by what happens as a result of my action, I’m going to measure success by my willingness to act. And I might love it, I might hate it. I might have to work way more than I think I will and I might get tired. I might stay in Texas and I might move to California and I might come back to Alaska.

But I’m going. And I’m going to put myself where I feel like I need to be. And I’m going to sing my heart out.

I’m going to pour my heart out.

“Everything I am I pour into a song and show this heart cries only through you and for you alone…”