Thanksgiving

This year I’m spending Thanksgiving with my cousin and her family. It’s been a few years since I was in the relative vicinity (you know, since I lived in Texas the last time…) so it’s great to be back.

Adora and I have been reminiscing days with our grandma and grandpa and remembering childhood.  She’s a few years older than I am, so she has better memories of days and people I didn’t have the privilege of experiencing, or was too small to remember well.

Last night she showed me old video footage taken around 1970 – Christmas at my grandma and grandpa’s farm. I got to see the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and even other cousins as children. And my mom? She was approximately 17 in that video. How great is that??

In the spirit of the holiday we attempted my grandma’s famous rolls.

That’s right. We made rolls from scratch.

With real live yeast and everything.

In all reality, we made them for today’s Thanksgiving feast – but as a sneak peak I can tell you we tested them and they taste just like the ones grandma made for us years ago.

I  love celebrating today by remembering my family. I was and am blessed by them. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Numbers Do Not Quantify Love

I left Alaska on October 12th – just 39 days ago.
Since that time I have called my brother roughly 1,000 times, desperate to stay connected with my 2 nieces. And I received 22 mobile photos, lest I not forget how beautiful they are.

I miss them terribly. Can’t wait to hug them at Christmas…

One Day At A Time

But seriously, folks? Sometimes an unpredictable life really is a challenge.

I woke up yesterday in a funk. Just a plain old, ‘I can’t muster the courage to try very hard today’ funk. Was it because I stayed up too late again? I don’t know. All I know is…  I had only one choice.

I stayed in my pajamas. I drank coffee. I worked on my bible study and I told God exactly how I was feeling. And in that process, do you want to know what words came out of my mouth?

“Life is so much easier when I don’t have to be so dependent on you.”

How’s that for profundity?

I’ve been saying that I need to take this one day at a time, and it has never been more true. I can’t predict my courage from one day to the next. I don’t understand my anxiety or peace from hour to hour. I just know that I’m still figuring out the balance between being diligent and trusting God for the rest. Am I doing enough? How could I ever know? But I’ll know I am doing too much when I feel the stress of trying to control situations that can only be left in God’s hands.

He has called me to this. Only He can make it happen.

And every time I turn around I am encouraged by the supportive words of others. Friends who are sharing my music with those around them, family who raves about what they hear, a mother who reminds of the truth of God’s care for my life.

Yesterday was about trusting in God and His plans for me, and not in my own ability. And that was enough for one day.

In Celebration

This one time, I wrote a song for my niece. Imagine this sung to a really awesome melody:

Audrey

is my niece

and she’s cute as a button

Audrey

is my niece

and she’s sweet as a muffin

Yeah, Yeah

Yeah, Yeah

Audrey… Josephine…

Yeah, Yeah

Yeah, Yeah

Audrey….

She’s 3 today. And when I called to tell her happy birthday, this is how the conversation went:

Her: Hi

Me: Hi Audrey!

Her: Bye

Me: Are you having a good birthday?

Her: I SAID BYE!!

Oh, children…

Blessed

Well, you guys? I’m decompressing.

The last four days felt as long as an entire week.

I’ve been wanting to sit and write about it, but I was frantically packing all my things yesterday and saying goodbye to friends and family. I have never been so scattered before taking a trip, much less moving everything! I forgot my car keys in my niece’s bedroom. NO BIG.

But seriously? Can I just tell you how blessed I was this weekend by my church family? I had the opportunity to play and sing and share my story – and I was really encouraged by the response. It’s great to be a part of a community that supports you and believes in what you’re doing. That’s the kind of response I got this weekend – from friends, worship team partners, and church members. I felt really blessed by it.

And although it was hard for me to leave, I’m excited about where I’m headed.

This week? I’m in California, hanging with the fam.

Next? Colorado.

Keep checking back. There’s definitely more to come in this.

I’m the kind of person who…

• says exactly what I’m thinking, sometimes to a fault
• struggles to have a generous heart
• promises to have a genuine heart
• likes to be alone with people
• is indecisive
• is addicted to coffee
• questions everything, even 8th grade algebra
• loves my family more and more as I grow older
• is starting to think that true life might begin after 30
• clings tightly to meaningful relationships
• longs for companionship
• thrives within structure and guidelines
• is embarking on a journey with neither structure nor guidelines
• aches to be known
• tries too hard
• doesn’t try hard enough
• is unequivocally in love with Jesus Christ
• is often unfaithful to that love
• hopes that a contrite heart is enough
• is still learning how to better reflect the character of God
• grows more thankful every day
• looks forward to Oct 9th with the passion of 1,000 suns

One Girl Thinks it’s the Best Day of the Year

My niece Jordan is the best 12 year old around, and here’s why: she’s a full on 12 year old. She’s a kid. The only thing she wants for her birthday is “My Littlest Pet Shops.” She talks a lot. She wears her hair in pig tails, and she likes it when I read to her. She’s claiming her independence as a “big kid,” wants clothes from American Eagle, but still refers to them as “big kid clothes.” She’s soft-hearted and sweet, but still learning how to listen.

Of all the things she could be at this age, I couldn’t be happier she’s exactly as she is. Even if she does talk A LOT.

 

Happy Birthday, Jordan! Hope your 12th year is the best…  You deserve it.

I couldn’t resist this photo because of Audrey peeking around the side…  

The Loves of My Life

I spent some time with my favorite girls tonight (Don’t worry, James and Logan… your time is coming next!).  I love them so much, I can’t even explain it. I won’t try to defend my position on why they’re more precious than anybody else’s nieces. I’ll just say that having practically lived with them for the last 3 years – I’m fairly certain I couldn’t love them more than I do.

And as a special gem – let me just share with you a joke told to me by my favorite 2 1/2 year old today…

Her: “Knock Knock..”

Us: “Who’s There?”

Her: “Vanilla”

Us: “Vanilla Who?”

Her: “Vanilla Sitting On a Microwave.”

 

haha. so awesome.

PS something about me blogging every day and having an 11 pm bedtime is obviously not mixing well. what’s a girl to do??

The Baby That Wasn’t Born [YET]

Have you guys ever heard of that lady who was pregnant for 46 years? There’s this crazy documentary about a real woman who had an ectopic pregnancy that took an unexpected turn (?!).  I don’t know.  I don’t know even know how to describe it, but I’m not even joking about this. Go check it out.

Anyway, that’s not really what this is about.

I was supposed to fly to California tonight to see my family. My sister in law is going to have a baby and I’m so excited to meet her (the baby; I’ve already met my sister in law).  However, for reasons entirely beyond my control, the baby has not been born [yet], and I wound up postponing my trip.

I guess it has an upside…  I mean…  I’ll get to spend some time celebrating a birthday, visiting with friends who are in town and friends who are leaving, and I’m for sure gonna reprise my role as the National Anthem Singer  at the Crystal Lake Triathlon next weekend.

But the downside is I’m not going to get to meet baby Logan as soon as I thought I was. And you know that if their first edition baby girl looks like this, the second is going to be ADORABLE. 

But the upside is that I’ll still get to meet her in October.

So…  what is that now? A win-win? I’ve lost count.

A Lot To Take In

Yesterday morning I gave my notice at work: I’m leaving in October.  

I’m leaving. Going. That’s it. Decision made. Dunzo… 

I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time – 10 months or so – and yet somehow I thought that when the bomb was dropped I would feel a little bit of relief, a little bit of freedom. I thought that once the word was out I could fully be excited about the adventures the lie before me.

And I am, I am excited. I feel like this is something I need to do.

But I also feel the same way I did before: afraid.

In the next two and half months I’ll be spending time with family, traveling to California to meet my new niece, packing the things I own and selling the things I don’t want anymore. I’ll be finishing the album artwork, and watching as my album is edited, mixed, mastered, and finally finished! I’m getting ready to play at the state fair and gearing up for the CD release concert. I’m taking a week off of work to drive my car south before winter hits, only to fly back here for a last few weeks of working and tying up loose ends. And I’m pretty sure I need to build a fortress around my heart: I’m going to miss my family here so much.

I’m a mixed bag of emotions. I’m happy and sad, courageous and fearful all tied in to one. I know that every “yes” to something is a “no” to something else – and in the next few months I feel compelled to say yes to something I’ve always said no to in the past. I feel compelled to take steps even when I don’t see where they lead, and I’m excited about the freedom and the opportunity to do it! But that doesn’t make it an easy decision.

And in this moment, while I’m writing this blog and listening to my niece Audrey play in the bathtub, in this moment I know that my heart is going to ache for the things and people I’m leaving. I’m still afraid of the unknown, but convinced that I can’t just NOT go, and it’s a lot to take in. In this moment, before I anticipate the journey of things to come, I want to just rest here.

I want to just stay while I still can.