confession

I’m in love with Mark Ruffalo.  IN LOVE with him.

I went to the apple orchard the other day with my mom- it was sweet. The weather was awesome- maybe even a little too warm, but beautiful.

It stormed yesterday and we lost power for about nine hours. I was stranded at home for just over an hour and I thought I was going to die. Pretty lame, right? So instead of staring at the wall I went and saw a movie.  By myself.

I keep thinking about a certain somebody and wondering how my relationship with this someone is going to turn out. And I’m kind of frustrated with life, because I’m pretty sure the situation isn’t going to get better.  And I kind of get mad at him, because he wasn’t very “nice” to me and I hate that things have to be the way they are.  But would they be any better if we were still talking?  Probably not.  That’s something I think is weird about life- having to accept something that sucks because the alternative is infinitely worse, at least in the long run.

I want to find a job that I like, or a career, or mission, or whatever- and I’m having a hard time figuring out what that means anymore.

I have an unhealthy obsession with fame.

I never go to sleep before midnight anymore.
I never get up before midnight anymore.

I finished all the Harry Potter books and I’m sad about it.  I’m trying to read the chronicles of Narnia but they’re not sticking…. I’m such a character person, if I could read books about the same people for my entire life (and theirs, inevitably) I would.  Why do we have to keep switching around to books about people we’ve never met before?

There are a couple of people in this world I wish I could find: Leah Hanson and Harley Wood.  Hello? ….  Are you guys out there?

If I were rich I would hire a personal masseuse and manicurist before I did anything else.  In fact I would hire a lot of people who would do stuff for me that I don’t like to do.  After that I would think about buying things like a nicer car or whatever.  And then after that I would pay off my debt.  Lastly I would think about giving money to the poor.  That’s how selfish and lazy I am.

I don’t know if I want to pursue music or not- but I think about it a lot.  And then I just think about how hard it would be and how everybody else and their brother wants to pursue it and how they all sound like me. And so I just keep on wondering about it, rather than playing for anyone. Maybe that’s how I want it to be. Maybe it’s not.

I’m scared that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone.

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