I’ve moved on to the last place I’ll stay in Czech Republic. At my last “home,” I was feeling an inordinant amount of homesickness – or as Nina called it, friend-sickness. I really can’t understand why, and I’m sort of irritated by it. I’m in Europe for goodness’ sake! I should be drinking in every minute of it.
This has been sort of a strange trip for me. Completely unlike what I’d hoped for when planning “at least three weeks” abroad, and almost completely unlike what I expected prior to coming. I still don’t know what God has wanted to show me through this time, but I know my emotions have been a rollercoaster, I’ve felt confused, I’ve felt lonely and longing – and I think in that I can only trust God. So for that reason, I believe there are things he is working in my heart in this time, and I pray that I would have grace and wisdom enough to hear and know them.
I feel pretty weak at times, like at the age of 27 I’m supposed to have a better idea of who I am and where I’m going; that if I knew what I were doing I’d be driven, confident, married and in a successful career – or at least more at peace with the uncertainty and unfulfilled hopes. It seems all my prayers are prayers of utter need, like a child – entirely dependent and unsure. Jesus said we must be like children to enter the Kingdom, but the bible also says that in our faith we’re supposed to move on from milk to solid food. So which child am I?