I Live in Expectation

I was drawn to the guitar today. Kind of like you thirst for water during a hard workout. Kind of like you feel compelled to eat popcorn when going to the movies. Kind of like an itch you’re just dying to scratch.

I sat down and I started playing. I sang a little bit and I goofed around with the chords. I wondered whether I would be ever be great at the guitar – or even good enough to carry a show on my own. I laughed aloud at the lyrics I came up with. And I felt my spirit rest just a little. I felt a little calmer and a little more at peace. And I enjoyed it.

Remember when I said it was a long winter? Well I wasn’t only speaking literally.

The past year of my life has been one of the more challenging. Challenging in a very deep, tangible way. I have felt the growing pains, and I continue to feel them.

I’m learning about myself in ways I never knew I was uninformed. I’m seeing myself more clearly than ever before, and realizing more than ever the desperate need I have for a saving grace…. for an ALL CONSUMING hope. I have behaved in ways I am too ashamed to admit. I have been frustrated and angry, lonely and longing, in pursuit and being pursued. It has been challenging, but it has been good.

And I did not run from it. I stopped. I listened. I turned and I leaned in. And as I’ve done that, I have felt my spirit rest just a little. I feel a little calmer and have a little more peace. And I thank God for the opportunity to know him and need him in a very real way.

2 thoughts on “I Live in Expectation

  1. I’m enjoying your blog these days… even though your post requesting more sun wasn’t as effective as the post where you requested rain.

    I’m glad the sun is shining on you again. Winters, in whatever form they come, are never fun.

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