Of Course I Will

Do you ever find it difficult to just turn your brain off? To relax? Calm down without the distractions of things to do, people to call, plans to make, things to find, bills to pay?

I find I’m incredibly brain busy these days. And more than a little bit stressed, if I were completely honest (and when was I ever not?).

I’m stressed about work because we’re nearing A LOT of deadlines. And it’s not that I don’t think everything will get done, because I know it will. But I work all day and kind of feel like I’m never making any headway. As soon as I’m checking off things on my to do, my inbox is full. As soon as I manage to wade through my inbox, I remember about 5 things that need attention. I guess I haven’t experienced this “more work than time” scenario in my previous work experiences.

I’m stressed about music because the album is incredibly time consuming, and awesome, but time consuming. And we’re working toward a deadline, and we’re trying to make all the pieces come together, including album art and design, arrangements and recording, and sometimes I just want to take the easy road and do whatever it takes to “get it done.” And sometimes I just want to just say YES to something because then at least it would be finished. But can it be done a different way? Do I have the mental and emotional capacity to invest more?

And then there’s just the other, regular life stresses. My hands and wrists hurt and I can’t fix it. I realized lately I’m a supreme cheapskate, and it’s a little disturbing. I just feel tired – what’s causing that? Sometimes I don’t feel like I make the best choices…  And sometimes I question myself.

 

Is this sounding melancholy? Cause I guess I’m feeling kind of melancholy.

 

And I didn’t just write this blog to complain. I guess I wrote it to let you know where I’m at. To unload a little bit of the stress by identifying it, writing it down, and in doing so also realizing that it’s not the end of the world. I will continue to function. I just need to take things one step at a time….

 

Tonight as I was putting my niece to bed she said to me, “Are you going to stay here with me?” And it kind of melted my heart a little, because she loves me. And she wants me to be here with her. And just now as I was writing all my concerns, I thought….  that’s a little bit of how I feel. Like, I’m the child and I’m asking, “Are you going to stay here with me?”

And His answer to me? “Of course I will.”

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