I stress easily. Remember?
So having only two weeks left with literally more to do than there is time to do it, in seemingly every aspect of life, it stresses me.
I wish I were one of those people who could take things in stride a little easier. I find myself taking on the responsibility of things that aren’t mine to own. And things that, honestly? Nobody’s asking me to own them.
I find myself often losing sight of why I have made the decision to move. I get caught up in the to do list and the deadlines, scheming for how I can make my life work for me, wondering how things are going to turn out. And I find I’m just doing it, doing it all, because that’s what I told myself I was going to do. But why am I doing it? And am I taking on more responsibility in the process than is mine to own?
Maybe I’ve put unnecessary pressure on myself. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually… Maybe there’s a lesson in all of this about depending on him.
In the moment that I find myself at a breaking point, I have no choice but to be reminded of my motivation. If I were doing this simply because I thought I could, I’d be a fool. When I can’t keep from comparing myself to everybody else, I am forced to remember that I do this not in my own strength. Because if I did, surely it would let me down.
Maybe you’re keeping up with my blog and you’re thinking, “Gosh. She’s always writing about the same thing.” If I am, I’m sorry. Trust and faith are common themes in what I’m experiencing right now. Fear is a constant struggle. But this is who I am and where I am, and if I do anything except embrace it? I’m trying in my own strength to be what I’m not. And I guess that’s what I’m learning to lean on him for…