I feel like the word “neglect” is appropriate for this opening statement.

I have nothing to say except, this is what happened while I was away: I HAVE BEEN TRAPPED INSIDE MY HEAD.

Seriously. I have been back in Texas for 3 1/2 weeks, and in the first few days I was brainstorming new ideas. I became hopeful and carefree; I started to believe that anything is possible. And in the following week and a half I realized that “options” are not necessarily a good thing. Because “options” just make me “confused” about what the best “choice” is.

I have been stressed by trying to make choices when I don’t have all the information.  How can I head down a path with any kind of finality when I don’t know what said path brings? I only know what I perceive to be probabilities and possibilities. I guess this is where faith steps in.

[Or at least I keep waiting for it to knock on my door. So late. How rude.]

And when I pray, the only sense I come away with is that I know I love God. I know that my true passion is to share my heart, which is literally broken at the thought of Jesus Christ and his sacrifice. My hope is in the fact that I believe in a God who not only saves, but heals, and offers life – true life – to all who are lost, lonely, or hurting.

How do I know?

Because more often than not I feel lost, lonely, or hurting – and resting in the love of Christ, knowing that I am His for eternity and not just a forgotten, broken girl, is what compels me. My passion is His passion.

Whatever that looks like, whatever shape it takes, I can’t see it. (Thus, the mental entrapment.) But He knows that I am here and I am asking…

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11

2 thoughts on “Compelled

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