Okay, seriously? I’m the worst. I started this 365 thing, and then I basically quit less than half way through. I mean, I’m still a blogger, but I don’t blog nearly every day, in part because after blogging so often I’m not sure that anybody should really be blogging every day, and partly because it’s a habit that is difficult to sustain. I don’t always have something to say. I don’t always have the energy to sit at my computer for 30-45 minutes a day.
But it got me thinking recently. Is this how I approach life? Start out with lofty goals, then give up on them swiftly when it turns out they’re actually a lot of work?
Of course on paper it looks as though I have a bit of stick-to-it-iveness: I’ve got two degrees, a demo recording, and almost full length album, paid off my car, I make plans and I seem to follow through.
And partly, I want to leave room in my life for changing my mind. Just because I decided something once doesn’t mean it was the best decision for all time. Sometimes when you decide something, you try it, and that’s when you realize it was the dumbest idea ever.
Like taking calculus in college. Only took me one session to figure that out. Um… no thank you.
But life is in a state of constant flux right now; I can only make decisions about what is happening now, where I am, in what is in front of me, and in figuring out where I’d like to be.
I’ve been at this music thing for nearly 6 months now, but really, I like to think of it as a “life” thing. I’ve learned so much about myself, my life, my goals, my passions, and what I want from life, but I haven’t learned everything. What I do know is that for me, pursuing my passions looks a lot more like walking with God daily than just making a magic decision that’s going to put everything in place.
I don’t doubt for ONE SECOND that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, at least for TODAY, even if the next “thing” is still a mystery. I don’t plan to give up on following through with everything this season of life has to offer, whatever that looks like from day to day or at the end of a year.
Even if the details change, I think that qualifies as making a decision and seeing it through. And that’s enough for me.